He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
