the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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