Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
