let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
