life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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