I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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