Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My feet surprised me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
