I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize