Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
