Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
