god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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