Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
