dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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