my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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