That's when you crack a 10am beer
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
