I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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