I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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