That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize