I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I AM VODKA MAN
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize