I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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