wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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