This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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