So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
