i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
