i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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