she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
