That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize