Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
