Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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