I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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