I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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