Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
