Plan B is the new Plan A
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
