Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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