Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so that wasnt chicken after all
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
whose parrot is this?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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