Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
