and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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