The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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