Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
