We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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