i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
