So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The feeling are messing with the penis
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize