I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
