A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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