god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
