remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
