I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
