I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
