the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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