I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
