He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
