I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
honey bunches of taint.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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