if you like me you must not know who I am
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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