Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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