So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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