You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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