we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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