she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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