she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
