hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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