I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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