while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
