and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
