I hate all girls vehemently.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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