you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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