Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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