Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
