The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
