what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
