i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
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i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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